As I lift into the air my mind goes blank and there is a strange feeling of emptiness. It is as though the ground has disappeared and I am floating, unaware of where anything is. Panic begins to rise quickly from my throat to the top of my head in a rush that brings me back to reality. I've felt it before. I throw my hands over my head in a reaction that comes before thought. Pain shoots from my fingers, traveling up through my elbows to my shoulders as the impact jars my tendons and bones.
My breath comes fast as adrenaline runs through my body, but breath comes, and without screaming pain in my back. In and out. Blessed oxygen in my lungs. I walk away. This time.

These simple motions let me fly. Push, lift, spin, land. Over and over. Push, lift, spin, land. Push, lift, spin, land. Repetition of the body. Push, lift, spin, twist, fall. Hands catch just inches from the ground. Knees ache.


Some people say that fear is healthy. It probably is, but sometimes fear is at the root of mistakes. And mistakes can be costly.


Someday I will get my alternates and full twist back. Tonight I began the long trek back to conquering the fear of mistakes. (and got my aerial walkover back)