I'm bummed

Well, I got my first filling today, actually not my first "filling" because I got a filling technically when I chipped a million of my teeth (which they re-did one of those today) but, two cavities :-( This makes me very sad, though some people are like "cavities? whatever" but... yes, cavities. They make me sad.

New Music?

I need some new music to listen to. If anyone cares to share some with me, I'll be more than happy to accept it :-) Yes, I need a new band to like.

(I mean come on, you can only listen to Star Wars Techno for so long, you know? :-P)

The Vision-Pete Greig

The Vision is Jesus
Obsessively
Dangerously
Undeniably
Jesus

The Vision is an army of young people
You see bones? I see an army
And they are free from materialism
They laugh at 9-5 little prisons
They could eat caviar on monday and crusts on tuesday
They wouldn't even notice

They know the meaning of the matrix; the way the west was won
They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations
They need no passport
People write their addresses in pencil, and wonder at their strange existence
They are free, yet they are slaves of the hurting, and dirty and dieing

What is the Vision?
The Vision is holiness that hurts the eyes
It makes children laugh, and adults angry
It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago, to reach for the stars
It scorns the good and strains for the best
It is dangeroulsly pure

Light flickers from every secret motive
Every private conversation
It loves people away from their suicide Leaps, their Satan games

This is an army that would lay down it's life for the cause
A million times a day its soldiers choose to lose,
That they might one day win
the great well done of faithfull sons and daughters

Such heros are as radical on monday morning as on Sunday night
They don't need fame from names
Instead the grin quietly upwards
And here the crowds chanting again and again
"Come on!"

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking, Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheeming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing
This is the sound of the underground

And the army is disciplined
Young people who beat their bodies into submission
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrad in arms
The tattoo on their back boast "for me to live is Christ, and to die is gain"
Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes
Winners, Martyrs, who can stop them?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed?
Can feer scare them, or death kill them?

And a generation prays like a dieing man with graons beyond talking
With warrior cries, sulphiric tears, and with great barrow loads of laughter

Waiting
Watching
24-7-365

Whatever it takes they will give
Breaking the rules
Shaking mediocrity from it's cozy little hide
Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs
Laughing at labels, Fasting essentials
The advertisers cannot mold them
Holywood cannot hold them
Peer pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.
They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive, on the inside
On the outside they hardly care
They wear costumes to communicate, and to celebrate
But never to hide

Would they surrender their image? Or their popularity
They would lay down their very lives
Swap seats with the man on death row, guilty as hell
A throne for an electric chair
With blood and sweat and many tears
With sleepless nights and fruitless days

They pray as if it all depends on God
And live as if it all depends on them
Their DNA chooses Jesus
He Breathes out they breath in
Their subconscience sings

They had a blood transfusion with Jesus

Their words make demons scream in shopping malls
Don't you hear them coming?
Herald the wierdos, summon the losers and the freaks

Here come the freightened and forgoten, with fire in their eyes
They walk tall and trees applaued, Sky scrapers bow, Mountains are dwarfed
By these children of another dimmension
Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of eden

It will come to pass
It will com easily
It will come soon
How do I know?
Because this is the longing of creation itself
The groaning of the spirit
The very dream of God
My tomorrow is His today
My distant hope is his 3D
And my feeble whispered faithless prayer
Envokes a thunderous, resounding, bone shaking "Amen!"
From Countless Angels, from heros of the faith, from Christ himself
And He is the original dreamer
The ultimate winner
Guranteed

In a State of Crisis

I feel very less crisis like this morning, but still very unsure and freaking out-ish. Really what it comes down to, is that I am trying to decide weather or not I should try to do gymnastics competitively. I would absolutely love to do so! It would be amazing... but there are a lot of things that I would have to give up, or could have to give up in order to do so, and then there is the possibility that it simply wouldn't happen.

There are two competition options, competing under USA gymnastics, or competting in the College level. Competeing under USAG would mean that I wouldn't be able to teach, probably at all for the time that I was competeing, and would probably limit if not eliminate debate... which... I don't know if I could do. If I don't debate next year, then my last competition ever would be modesto... that would make me very sad. But, I don't know if they would actually let me compete which is another issue. Because of how old I am most gyms probably won't let me on their competition teams, because of liability concerns. And if I did compete I would probably be competing aginst like 12 and 13 year olds... but that's ok, I don't really mind that at all. If I wanted to compete in college, even though I wouldn't be competing now I would still have to find a gym where I could train like crazy. I would have to get my full twist, which I am really close to, so if I worked on it I could get it, but I would also not to get a front-front, and a double back. I think if I worked hard, I could do it though. But. The closest colleges with a team are sacramento and san jose, which would mean no Stan State for college, which would mean I couldn't teach in college, and also with working on gymanstics around 20 hours a week, I couldn't have a job during college, which would mean that it would be a lot harder to pay for college.

Yes... I don't know what I should do... which means I get to talk to a million people about it this week. Including Devan which is kinda scary, but it's all good.

Two down many more to go

Well, the gymnastics meet went really well. I was dissapointed with my floor routine, but I hit everything else just about perfect. I got a full point higher on vault than I did at the last meet (a 9.4) which is very exciting. Hmmm, yes, I love gymnastics. I went to the gym early, so my gymnastics day started at 8:30 and ended at 5:30... yes, a good day. Also in my gymnastics day, I fell on the bars, beam, and floor. If we had done vault in the morning I probably would have fallen there too, so I am sporting a rather sore and bruised body, but am sooo happy :-) Yes, very happy indeed. I am so blessed to have the life I do. I really am.

Another Competition

Well, I have my second gymnastics competition Tomorrow. I love gymnastics. I wish that I could drop out of school and do more gymnastics... but then I remember that I only have a little bit of school left, and the only days I don't do gymanstics is Friday and Sunday, which are debate and church days. But I could do gymnastics in the mornings... I am so very happy that my job is to teach gymnastics. Three things that I love: kids, gymnastics and teaching, all put together. Yes, I very much so like gymnastics. I want to be like Betty Dali. If I can teach for fifty years, I will be sooo happy. Yes, indeed, that means that I only have 45 more years to go! :-)

Another Picture

I am so very happy about how this picture turned out, that I just had to share it :-)

Random

I have no clue how this happened, but we have a new car. It's a 2005 Trailblazer. It gets better fuel economy than the van which is good, but we still have the van until we can get Joshua's car fixed. But I'm excited... even though it is wierd to own an SUV (and even wierded to see mom driving one!)

There have been so many things in the past two weeks that I feel as though I should talk about, and yet I find myself unable to put into words any of what has happened.

Life seems to change every day... I seem to change even more often.

I feel so alone right now, and I don't know why. I would think that I would be the least alone now, but that's not how it is. I miss so many people... and I miss more than just people. I miss the freedom of fellowship.

too tired

pixels strategicaly aligned on a computer screen mean so little... talk with me... come talk with me.

In a different world

Wow... being home is so wierd! It was an amazing trip to Tennessee, even better than I thought that it was going to be. None of us qualified, but we all had a good tournament, and had a lot of fun. Yeah, driving around Tennessee with the windows rolled down, the Beach Boy's California Girls blasting out the windows, rocking the van back and forth (all at the same time of course) was great. The only downside was that the pool was closed. Apparently in Tennessee the pool is open "seasonally" but it made it all the better when we switched hotels for the last night, yes indeed I love pools.

So, results. I think that the records were three of the five teams went 5-1 and the other two went 4-2, which is awesome. All but one California team broke to outrounds, which is very yes. Modesto all went out by Octofinals, but Rennee and Travis ended up in finals with a qualifiying spot for Nats. (Cody and Rachel, Jenna and Rachel, and the other PQ (the Pre-qualifieds) lost before semis) And for speaker awards I would say that just about every other, or every third person up there was from California! Chris and I got 14th place team... and he beat me in speaker points a couple of rounds, and got a speaker award which is totally swayous. I got 4th place speaker. Kelsey broke in extemp and went down in semis (with a very good speech I must say) and Jon broke in expos and went on to finals to get 5th place :-)

Very much so a good tournament... I miss everyone.

Y'all are missin' out

Yes, we are having much fun here in Tennessee. Beautifu rain (which of course had to be run and spun around in) Yes, I like to describe it as torential dounpours. Four good rounds so far, and feeling pretty good. We are getting ready to start our first round of the day (round five) now, so all should be well. Have a beautiful day!

Getting ready to leave

Because of practice rounds, work, good friends... I only have 3 more hours to get ready for Tennessee! ::is really excited/nervous::

(I think I have uploaded all of my pictures from Azusa, if you want to check them out)

Leaving on a jet plane...

Yes, so the Tennessee debate tournament most definately is coming very quickly, we leave next Wednesday! And I am sooooo not ready. I've been trying to go to sleep a bit earlier and it sort of worked, besides last night, but that's ok.
I need to go research now.

Growing out of Immaturity... hopefully

I am becoming more and more aware of how much my attitude affects what I get out of youth group. My eyes are being opened to a new vision that I have completely missed for the past two years, mostly out of my selfishness. I want our youth group to me so different from what it is that I am missing out on what we have now. Granted what we have now is not ideal, but I have let that affect me to the point that it has infected me also, and I have become exactly what I wanted to change. I want to be open with these people, and I shouldn't expect that it has to start with someone being open with me... it must start with me being open with them.

I want to be free to dance, to cry, to say amen, and to worship without being ashamed of that. So, with God's strength I am not. My hope is that others will follow, and if they don't, I must keep going in the way that God has directed me.