This year things are a bit different. I have finished school for one. I think that this fact alone can be credited with a large part of my sense of ease. I am no longer disgruntled over the college education system and can pursue education for it's own sake. I have learned a lot about the ocean recently and a little bit about space as well. I have spent a lot of time working outside as usual but in a new environment with new plants and trees. I technically don't have to do anything as we are renting the house, but I love pruning and fixing sprinklers. Bonus points with the landlady can't hurt either. "Cleaning" the house has meant unpacking boxes and re-examining what is important and whether it is time to get ride of things. While there is a long way to go I feel like I can be purposeful in my efforts toward simplicity.
Ukiah offers promise for many goals that were just not practical in Modesto. Drive less--don't drive at all, ride and walk more, buy from local producers, don't eat out, cook from scratch, make less than 20 gallons of waste per week--maybe get down to the 10 gallon can, no plastics, use rain water for irrigation as much as possible, take up archery, sail enough to make the annual boat launch pass worth it, and don't watch television (netflix yes, but we don't have the antenna hooked up).
And yes, I am doing better. I make it a point not to go back and read journals from high school. I don't know if all high school kids are unwell but I was. I don't like who I was, though I know it was not that much different from who I am now. Each year since I graduated I have felt that I have become more of myself. Part of this has been purposeful and part, I am sure, is the nature of getting older. There are still habits that need to be changed, words that could be more compassionate, and time that could be better spent. However, I am less angry, less selfish, less dependent on what others think of me, less anxious, less tied to technology, more thoughtful, and more forgiving. I get anxious less often, If I could claim all of these each year from now on, I would be proud of the direction that I am heading.
I commented to Laura yesterday something along the lines of: "life is easy now." I really don't know how else to describe it. It's just easy. Neither of us spend a lot of money and adult salaries for people who don't have kids are depressingly high (in my opinion). I made more money subbing the last three months than I made all of last year. We pay reasonable rent to a kind elderly couple for our little house across from the park. Laura teaches at and I substitute teach at a school with fantastic co-workers and students. We have become involved in a wonderful church that has challenged the way that I think about Christianity and encouraged me in a refreshing new way. I feel that I can give generously to this church out of my excess in a way that will make a small difference. Every other weekend or so I go down to the local comic book store and play an incredibly intricate Star Trek war scenario game and absolutely enjoy it. I teach gymnastics to students who I feel are learning and progressing in a relatively new competitive program. One year later, my shoulder is healed enough to start working bars again. I even tried a few flight skills this past week. And when I am not doing any of that or puttering around the house I can help Laura grade or do any number of other things that I enjoy.
Though this post has been longer than I anticipated it is all to say that I am well: emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I am also content and life is easy.
