Little Girls In Pretty Boxes

I've spent the last month or so reading through a lot of gymnastics literature. While a majority of it includes tables and graphs demonstrating biomechanics, scoring systems, or aesthetic instruction the most impactful book includes none of these. The book "Little Girls In Pretty Boxes" by Joan Ryan is a heartwrenching look into the horrors of the sports of gymnastics and figure skating. I have only read one other book that compares to how difficult it was to read this book (A Child Called It), yet this still tops the list. As a gymnastics coach and former competitor I have seen first hand the physical and emotional abuse that can be present in the sport. I have personally witnessed coaches verbally demeaning girls as young as seven, telling them that they are not good enough or that they are wimps and sissys for not working through the pain of injury. I have heard parents and students confide in me about coaches going against the warnings of doctors and their own bodies... yet never confront the coaches. I have seen gymnasts including myself quietly leave gyms because we can't deal with the coaches anymore without ever telling them off or letting them know the damage they cause. While I have never had a coach like Karolyi the similarities are haunting.
It was so refreshing to see Shawn Johnson compete. She enjoys her sport, she didn't drop out of school, she smiles. So many competitors gave up on life long ago. The sport is not for their enjoyment but for the enjoyment of their parents, coaches, and America. The empty looks on competitors faces and dissapointment at getting less than gold. I went to the level 5 state meet this fall. The meet is for girls ages 7-14+ most of who are 8 and 9 years old competeting for their second or third year. This student showed incredible talent with first place scores on vault and bars (9.925 on bars, the highest in the nation for her level this year), second place on beam, and sixth place on floor with a 9.050 (only .425 behind first). After the awards ceremony I heard her coach talking to her mom not about the incredible feet that she had obtained with a second all around score and the highest bars score I have ever seen in my life but about how they really need to work on her floor routine... no one is ever good enough.


Here are some of the excerpts from the book that I found most impactful:

"And after Julissa joined Karolyi's, she was always in pain, first from a stress fracture in her ankle, then shinsplints, then hamstring pulls and finally a sprained knee that would eventually drive her from Karolyi's for good. Karolyi, like a lion circling hobbled prey, picked on her, testing her survival isntincts. Either she would grow stronger from his abuse or she would quit. Karolyi needed to know which it would be. In or out. Black or white. Yes or no. He had no time for doubts, hesitations or fears... 'He called [Julissa] stupid all the time,' says Chelle. 'Then he didn't really pay much attention to her at all. She didn't get the hard-core coaching.' No mater what ugly words the coaches threw at her, Julissa didn't fight back. Few do. A gymnast at the elite level learns to stand still--mouth closed, eyes blank--and weather her coache's storms. A gymnast is seen and not heard. Even when she's in pain, she says nothing until she can no longer work. Nadia Comaneci once cut her hand on the plastic-and-foam hand guards the gymnasts wear to perform ont eh uneven bars, and by the time she told anyone, she had blood poisoning up her arm. Even when she's scared, the gymnats says nothing. Especially when she's scared. 'Chickening out' before a trick is an unforgivable sin." ~ Julissa died competing a vault that she was never confident on that her coach insisted she perform.

"Parents have always lived through their children to some extent, but these live in fear their daughters will be expelled form the gym, so they say nothing when coaches belittle their children or push them too hard. 'We should as parents be able to make sure they're treated porperly, I guess, but everybody's afraid to do it,' says another Karolui mother, Chris Fortsen. 'I guess I wasn't a very good mother, because I just kind of took it.'"

"Few parents learn from those who have gone before; the girls' careers are too short. By the time parents realize their mistakes, their daughters have retired, the parents themselves have moved on and new parents have come in to play out the same old script. 'I would never do it again,' says Laura Irvin, mother of another Karolyi gymnast. 'When my daughter said she'd never let her own daughter do gymnastics, I felt like a failure. All we wanted was a perfect life for her.'"

"Of the two hundred or so gymnasts who compete on the elite level every year, only twenty make the national team. Only six compete in the Olympics. A gymnast's elite career usually lasts five or six years, generally from age twelve to age eighteen. Some go on to college gymnastics, a more forgiving environment. Others walk out of the gym and never return. How many leave because of injuries or eating disorders? No one keeps a tally. But at the highest level few quit simply because they have lost interest, as a child might quit violin lessons. 'Gymnasts don't so much retire as expire.'"

"Two cherished American values came crashing against each other in the debate over Karolyi: the protection of our children versus our will to win. 'We have to figure out what our goals are,' says Olympic medalist Bart Conner, who considers many of Karolyi's detractors hypocrites. 'If we want a team that looks nice in their uniforms, that isn't under all this stress, that isn't playing with pain, that isn't risking injury, then we're not going to win.'"

"When [Debi Thomas] botched a combination of triple jumps fifteen seconds into the four-minute program--she hadn't middsed a jump in practice all week--she gave up. She couldn't do what she had come to do, which was skate the best performance of her life and win the gold. She turned her triple jumps into doubles, her doubles into singles. She finished third, behind Witt and darkhorse Canadian Elizabeth Manley. In what should have been the crowing moment of a remarkable career--she did, after all, earn an Olympic medal--Thomas felt only horror and shame. 'It was like on of those tortures in Dante's Inferno. I just wanted to get it over with. I don't remember much of it. I've blocked a lot of the Olympics from my memory.'  Up on the victory stand, when she accepted her medal, she felt as if she had le down her coach, her family, America and all African Americans who looked at her as a role model."

"Tara Lipinksi and Jennie Thompson embody the unspoken imperative of elite figure skating and gymnastics: Keep them coming, and keep them young, small and more dazzling than the ones we already have. The national appetite for new stars is instatiable. Deep down, we know that our consumption and disposal of these young athletes are tantamount to child exploitation and, in too many cases, child abuse. But we rarely ask what becomes of them when they disappear from view. We don't want to see them parade past us with their broken bodies and mangled spirits, because then we would have to change forever the way we look at our Olympic darlings. They are the pink ballerinas inside a child's jewelry box, always perectly positioned, perfectly coiffed. They spin on demand without complaint. When one breaks, another pops up from the next box. To close the lid is to close down that part of our sould that still wants to believe in beautiful princesses and happy endings."


Someday I want to have my own gym where I can coach a competitive team that is based on fun. I don't care how old they are or how well they do as long as they try their hardest. Some coaches say that to work less than nine hours a week for level 5 (8 and 9 year olds) is insufficient. I say give them a life and make your coaching more effective.

A Fresh Christmas

Things have been a little rocky recently. It seems like one thing after another. Fortunately school is almost done for everyone in our house which will make things a bit more pleasant and I must say its nice to be able to choose what I'm doing for Christmas. I set up the tree at mom and dad's on Sunday and then brought all of my ornaments home (except for my box person, he'll come home after Christmas). We decided not to really do presents for our house. I bought myself something I would have normally asked my family to get me for Christmas and didn't have to feel guilty about it. And I won't have to wait until I open it on Christmas to use it... although I have to wait anyway because Lamar's Xbox is still in the hospital. We have a nice tree with lots of nutcrackers, gingerbreads, and ballerinas. And I can just sit here and relax on the couch. One more final, three more days of work, and a house (my own) in desperate need of some cleaning. I'm pretty happy right now.

By Laura's Request

Well, I had a great summer. It really seems like summer is over being as it's been rainy and cloudy where I am for the last couple days. Camp went really well, it was a real joy to be able to hang out with all of those amazing kids. Our Jr. High camp of 15 including staff and counselors was amazing. We got to do all sorts of fun things that we could have never done with a larger group (such as sailing, a mystery meal, talent-show-type-thing, body drag, etc.). Both groups were just such great groups of kids, and a lot of returnees from logging camp last year. And of course, playing paint ball at Rancho La Schurpa wasn't half bad either. On top of all the cool things, there were cool people there. Having an ops staff that was really into what we were doing was amazing. Last year we had a hard time getting people interested in participating, but not this year. Jonah and Michelle were great about basically just hanging out with our group all the time, and Ryan got pulled to counsel so he was with us the whole week. Basically it was awesome, but I will be more than happy to go back to doing crafts again next year.

Oh, and I am in Oregon right now. It's beautiful and grey and rainy. And when I get back, I start school, which means a really cool class that I have been looking forward to all summer: Theory and Analysis of Gymnastics. Yay! Anyone been watching the olympics? Well, I have, and my sleep has suffered because of it, but it's got me super excited about being back in a gym with all of the apparatus. Anyway, that is all for now.

As I lift into the air my mind goes blank and there is a strange feeling of emptiness. It is as though the ground has disappeared and I am floating, unaware of where anything is. Panic begins to rise quickly from my throat to the top of my head in a rush that brings me back to reality. I've felt it before. I throw my hands over my head in a reaction that comes before thought. Pain shoots from my fingers, traveling up through my elbows to my shoulders as the impact jars my tendons and bones.
My breath comes fast as adrenaline runs through my body, but breath comes, and without screaming pain in my back. In and out. Blessed oxygen in my lungs. I walk away. This time.

These simple motions let me fly. Push, lift, spin, land. Over and over. Push, lift, spin, land. Push, lift, spin, land. Repetition of the body. Push, lift, spin, twist, fall. Hands catch just inches from the ground. Knees ache.


Some people say that fear is healthy. It probably is, but sometimes fear is at the root of mistakes. And mistakes can be costly.


Someday I will get my alternates and full twist back. Tonight I began the long trek back to conquering the fear of mistakes. (and got my aerial walkover back)

A Good Day

Besides spending a ton of time on SAT prep, today was great. A new leo, a gymnastics class I am slowly learning to love, and church... learning to love that as well.

In response to falling, fear, and frustration

Being a good gymnast, and a good teacher are two entirely different things. The lady who taught me gymnastics never even did a cartwheel, yet was so amazing and good at teaching that she did it for 50 years.

Being a good gymnastics teacher is a lot like being a good anything teacher, besides the fact that unlike most other sports, hobbies, etc. you have to physically help your students do everything, for a very long time. Unfortunately teaching gymnastics takes a lot more knowledge than taking it, and therefore some teachers who are really gymnasts find themselves at a loss for how to teach someone how to do something. If you can only tell someone to point their toes and try harder it won't ever fix the real problem. But then again, some people think that's better than saying "I don't know what you are doing wrong". I found myself in this dilemma today when I was trying to teach Zach and Jamar Chest-roll-quarter-turn-nip-ups. I can do them myself, but I was at a complete loss as to how to explain to Jamar the simplest part of the whole thing: get on your knees, push your tummy out, and roll down your legs and stomach to your shoulders, but he just didn't get it. Every time, he stuck his butt in the air and neither his legs, nor his stomach ever touched the ground. These sorts of things happen to me far less frequently than they used to when I started teaching, but it bugs me that they still do. My gymnastics articulation is not good enough to be able to explain everything. Maybe someday it will be, but right now I have a long way to go. Especially if I ever start teaching the apparatus. ::becomes frightened::

Unexpected

When people ask me if I have ever wanted to go to the Olympics I've always said no. I only do floor, so it really wouldn't be practical. But, that isn't quite true anymore. The dreams that I never had, somehow, they are starting to exist. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would compete at all in gymnastics, let alone be going to states. It just doesn't seam real. Awards are given out by 1-9, 10, 11, and 12 and up... yeah, I would venture to say that I'm probably the oldest person to compete level 5 in a long time... if not ever. And I'm going to states.


Here is another photographer that I really like. It is mostly China/Korea, but there are a lot of amazing pictures.

The Final Word

Well, the decision was made tonight, I am officially going to zones. It's still not for sure if I am going to scratch bars or not, but its a very large possibility. Everything else I'm fine on. Vault and Beam no problem at all, and the only thing on floor is a backwalkover... which I'll just do a really ugly one and take the deduction instead of trying to do a good one and hurting myself. And bars, well, I just can't do a kip, so if I can do it by Saturday then great, I may make it to states. If not... there go my chances. Even if I got a 10.0 on all the rest I couldn't get a high enough score to go :-( But unfortunately my body is more important. I wish it wasn't, but it is, and it sucks. But life shall go on, and heck, I'm alive and walking!

Hmmmmm

I went to gymnastics today for almost an hour. I didn't do very much, but it was nice to be able to be back... scary, but nice at the same time. And.................... A Tournament Tomorrow!!! (Yay for Debate, and Yay for my stupendously amazing partner Kaitlin :-D)

A First (Part 3)

I am doing progressively better. Incredibly sore, but almost completely off the pain meds, and doing ok. I can lean forward about another inch or two I think which is good, at least a little progress. That's all. :-)

A First (Part 2)

I am really struggling as to what I should write. I want to express what I'm feeling, what's going on in my brain, in my body... but I don't want to come across as complaining. So, as you read this just keep in mind, I'm not trying to just whine to the world.

I woke up every four hours last night to take my pain medication. I went back to sleep so very easily because it makes me drowzy. I've been in this half awake half asleep state since 10:30 yesterday, but besides that everything seems normal now. It doesn't hurt to sit here and type away on my computer, to read the economist, to play around on flickr, everything seems normal, like nothing ever happened. And then I move, and the pain comes back, not just the pain that shoots through the middle of my back, but the pain at the thought of not being able to do what I love. The thoughts that I won't be able to teach, will probably have to skip out on the rest of the meets this year, including zones. That I won't touch a floor, won't touch the bars for more than a month.

That I can't do anything.

The hardest part about being sick or injured is that I can't. Everyone else has to do things for me. Laralyn, can you get me orange juice? Mom, can you get me a pillow? Dad, can you feed the cat for me? Can you? Please? Can I go outside? It hurts my pride that I can't do things for myself. That hurts more than the real pain. But then again, that pain is just as real as the physical.

It's nice to see how things work for the best.

The rest of my body, the injuries that I have lost count of can heal... I probably won't let the newest one completely heal, but the rest will, and my body will restore itself. I have to let it, because I can't do anything else. I have time now. I can hang out with friends, relax, rest, sleep, and visit my sister. My busy schedule has been destroyed, and I'm left not knowing what to do. I'll probably spend a lot of time just laying on my back with my computer on my lap, but I'll get to do other things as well that I never have time for. Finish crocheting my blanket, work on my Maille, read, just be. Funny how getting hurt does that to you.

(And my artist page is now up and running)

A First

Well, I got to do something today that I've never been able to do before. I took a trip in the ambulance. I'm fine, I'll live to see another day, but won't be doing or teaching gymnastics for a while. I'll have lots of time to do Math and Debate, thats for sure. So, don't worry too much. I'd appreciate prayers for my back, and what I should do for the next couple of days, being as I will be skipping out on roughly 25 hours of gymnastics in the next seven days. Thats a lot of time to do other things in... and to get very bored in :-)
~Bethany

::Happy Happy Happy::

Yesterday was the first debate round of the year, with my beautiful partner Kaitlin. It made me very happy. Though it was a little bit odd, because the first round last year was Chris and I against Kaitlin and Kelsey, and this year it was Myself and Kaitlin against Kelsey and Kirby (it would have been really wierd if it was against Kelsey and Chris) It was a lot of fun, and I am incredibly excited about this year. There are definately benefits to having a girl partner... like, sleepovers! I must say that I already am incredibly missing being partnered with Chris, but, I guess three years together might of been overdoing it just a little ;-) Good luck to Chris and Alex, may you beat us in half a million practice round, and may we never meet in double-octs!

On another note, I am getting ready to leave in a little less than an hour to go to my second ever gymnastics meet. Another reason to be really happy! Hopefully my knee doesn't bother me too much... I think I'm going to take it off after warm-ups, because it really does restrict my movement, which means points off. So, we'll see how everything goes.

And lastly, Happy Birthday to my amazing friend Adria! May your birthday be O so full of surprises ;-)

Being with Family

Well, I went from not posting to posting three times in one day.

I am so excited about this weekend, I've definitely been counting down the days, and also, definitely woke up this morning and realized it wasn't friday and was immensely disappointed.

Friday I get to see a whole lot of friends and hang out with them, Saturday I get to see my family. I left the pizza parlor in tears because I was leaving them behind it seemed so long ago, though really its only been about two months. So, I get to see Lindsay, Bill, Carole, Berta and a whole bunch more family that I've been missing. And then of course after that is my first ever, real gymnastics meet, in Visalia. (which I'm a bit nervous about)

But I miss my family so much. One of the people who I consider part of my family asked me the other day while he was proof reading one of my papers, weather I wanted to change the world family to friends? I said no, and he asked if I really considered the people I was talking about family? And I do. Family is not determined simply by genetic coding, or who had sex with this person or that. Being called part of a family is not a right, it is earned, and tragically sometimes, it is revoked. It puzzles me sometimes as to who I consider part of my family. Heck, if they were all together, it'd be just a random group of people stuffed into a room somewhere. Half of them don't know more than a couple of the rest there. Maybe they've heard about the other and they start talking, a little awkwardly probably, but to me, they are all my family, even if they aren't family to eachother.

So, I will see part of my family this weekend... and I have been longing for that for a long time.

Back... home?

Well, I've returned from a little more than a week of fog, ocean, low 70s, a couple good books, a couple dozen hours of Star Trek, a time of rest for my body (though I'm throwing it right back in this week with another 9hrs of gymnastics), lots of bike rides, time with my family, good jokes, finding new buttons on my sister, hanging out with Lamar, and generally relaxing and having a good time in Oregon.

Well, this next week is going to be crazy, gymnastics, school, cleaning, and getting my life back together... and then saying goodbye to my sister :-( She's leaving me for a semester... but I guess life will go on. I am so ready for debate class to start so that I can see everybody again.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow will be my first "real" gymnastics meet, and my sister is coming home... really nervous, really happy.

So many things to do and so little time

Well, I think that this will be a post full of a whole bunch of things. Fun things, happy things, and sad things.

Communication with Technology
First of all I must say when I get home I feel so useless, it doesn't really matter what it is that I am coming home from, as long as I have been gone for any amount of time I feel like I spend my life catching up on everything... but it seems as though I catch up with technology not with life. I spend so much time on my computer, checking emails, looking at the pictures my friends have put up, reading through blogs, checking the news, looking at webpages, downloading pictures, charging my ipod. It all just throws itself on top of me, especially when I am coming back from someplace where I am completely away from technology, and then... I sit here and soak myself in it again. It makes me feel very empty sometimes, and yet here I am writing on more technology, my blog.

Outpost 007
Next I guess would be camp, I'm home and extremely tired, but re-couping. We got home Saturday around noon and then Joy, Dad and I went sailing the rest of the day. Then on Sunday I was gone pretty much all day so, consequently I didn't wake up until around 10:30 today. Camp was amazing though. Outpost in my opinion is the best camp at Calvin Crest, as long as you can brave the dirt, hiking and mosquitos. It was an awesome week. A little challenging being as we had some boys that were a bit rough and did a lot of fighting, but that changed a lot by the end of the week. There was a lot of growth for the kids I think, it was beautiful to watch them change in such a short amount of time, and I pray that when they go home that they won't change back. We did lots of hiking, swimming, hanging out, playing cards, singing, getting bit by mosquitos, sleeping in the dirt, and just having fun. We had a great trip up to Iron lakes on thursday, a great hike in and some lunch then swimming, diving, swimming, diving. It was beautifully clear as usual and just a little bit of snow still up at the top of the mountain. Gorgeous. Pictures will be up later today methinks. I was a little bit worried about our group being as they basically all came with Trinity (only 6 weren't) but it was pretty good. Everyone became great friends and not everyone that came with Trinity actually go to to church there so they still got to hang out with new friends. I was surprised by the group too, there wasn't much complaining, or at least not as much as I thought there would be (there is quite a bit of hiking). I would definately put this week as my best experience being a counselor at Calvin Crest so far. Yup, yup, all in all a great week.

Gymnastics
Well, apparently my toe is doing better. It got a little bit sore on some of the hikes at Calvin Crest but it didn't really hurt so I think it's doing good. I did my first round-off yesterday that I have done in almost 5 weeks I think it is now. That made me incredibly excited because I have completely missed gymnastics even though I've been doing it a lot I haven't been able to tumble at all. Hmmm... yes, makes me very happy. I have 12 days until my first gymnastics competition. Well, it's not really a meet, it's only the practice meet, but I'm still really nervous about it because I have been gone for a week, and haven't done my floor routine for five weeks, and I still can't vault, but all shall be well. Hopefully.

A philosophy on photography
Well, recently as I was looking at some pictures it struck me that I think of some people who take pictures as just that, people who take pictures, and others as photographers. I haven't quite decided what the difference is yet though. I think part of it has to do with taking pictures because it looks cool, or taking pictures to capture beauty. The other part of it is how many pictures they take. But, I must say that its hard for me to enjoy some places without my camera. THat's why I made it a point not to carry my camera around at Ashram, I needed to just get the imaginary picture frame out of my head and enjoy life without thinking about how my life would look in a picture. Yeah, I don't know if that made sense to anyone, but that's ok if it doesn't.

The Blessings of Life
I have been struggling a lot in the past year and a half or so with the concept of death. I don’t know if there really is a way to completely understand death, even if you have seen it first hand, because we can never know what it is to die… cuz then we’d be dead. There are very few people who have ever been dead and come back to life, and I am not one of them, so I really don’t know what it’s like. It seems as though the degenerate nature of our bodies has only in recent years become something real. I know that my mind cannot grasp the reasons, though there are many, that there cannot be an eternity here on earth, or even that there cannot be a few more years, a few more months… a few more minutes. Yet the pain lingers on, forever as it seems. Maybe that’s how it supposed to be, I don’t know. But my heart still breaks when I look at those I love and see that they are slowly slipping, becoming older, forgetting.

Well... I think that's it for now. I love you all and miss you lots and lots too.

Ashram, Freedom, and Injuries

Well, as usual, Ashram was simply amazing, and as usual I am also injured. We shall start and end with the injuries (i.e. we shall go chronologically).

So, it all started 13 days ago (wednesday) when I was at gymnastics and rather forcefully exerted the muscles in my leg in order to propel my body into the air in a graceful split leap... unfortunately instead I very ungracefully propelled my leg foot straight into the ground causing my big toe on my right foot to move up into the joint as well as pulling several little ligamints, etc. which just happen to be important if you want to be able to walk without pain. So we went to the doctor Saturday morning and he said it probably wasn't broken but we should get x-rays, which wasn't quite possibly being as we were leaving for camp the next day. So Sunday afternoon we left for Ashram not knowing weather or not I had a broken foot, but heck, all they can do is buddy tape your toes right?

Well, I must say that Ashram was amazing. It was such a different year, but it was full of Joy (yes, Joy was there, which made me very happy, for you see we are both so busy that even though we live in the same house we never really get to hang out) Amy, Rachael, and Eric weren't there which was a big bummer, but there were a ton of Youth people that hadn't been there before which was pretty cool... although for the first day or two it was kinda weird simply because they didn't quite get how things usually go, but they caught on quick. It was such a blessing just to be able to hang out with everyone, especially Bill. He is the most awesomest guy I know... yes, I think that's a true statement. He is such a blessing in my life, and I love him a lot. So I hung out with him during work hour, and not during work hour, and we exchanged lots of hugs, lots and lots of hugs, for you see he was having back problems before he came to camp, and then once he got there he was stung by yellow jackets five times, and then got multiple spider bites, so he needed lots of hugs (as of course I did as well, even though none of that happened to me) So lots of hanging out with really awesome people, and I got to hang out with Jim!!!! Which was especially exciting because I haven't seen him since last year.

It amazes me how you can see people for so little time and yet be bonded so close to them. For instance miss Sarah, I have not spent even 6 months of my life with her, but we are such good friends even though we see eachother only one week of the whole year. Or take Jim for instance, I have seen him two weeks out of my entire life, and yet we are still great friends. Ok, back to where we were now.

So I got to hang out with good friends, and make lots of new friends. Our group was a whole lot bigger than we thought it was going to be which presented some problems, so it ended up that we split in half for our prayer groups so Sarah and I ended up leading one while Lindsay led the other, which was really cool. Even though we really didn't do anything it was really cool to know that Lindsay trusted Sarah and I to do that. It's always such a blessing to be able to pray over people and to be prayed over. I wish that our church was more like Ashram, not in the laying hands on, etc. but in the just being trustworthy and being real. We don't always feel safe to share, but at Ashram, I know that it is safe, I can share whatever I want to, and I know that I won't be laughed at and I also know that it won't be passed around to everyone's friends.

It was kinda a hard week because I couldn't do everything that I normally do: No diving board, no volleyball game, no running, but it was cool anyway. I gave my foot a rest, iced it during the evangelist hour, and tried not to do too much to it (being as I still didn't know if it was broken... well, and it hurt too) It was really nice to just spend time talking to people, I hang out with people a lot, but not very much of that hanging out includes talking. It's because you see people more often so you don't have as much to catch up on, yet I talked about many things this week that most people don't even think of/bother to ask about. Anyway, I hung out with Tim a lot, who was the son of the music leader. He had been playing guitar for about two months so I played guitar with him a little bit and we ended up writing a song and playing it in the talent show. It was really cool to see him start to open up. When we first got there he was definately the loud obnoxious kid, who really didn't want to be there, but that changed, and at the end of God really touched his heart, and he is now a child of the King... and what a fire he has to go and change his world.

Overall it was just an awesome week. God really moved through everyone to open my life up to the power of God's incredible power to heal. Ashram is my family, and as my family they look out for me, pray for me, keep me accountable, hang out with me, and just love me. I am so thankful to Lindsay for staying up with me and talking to me and letting me cry and praying for me. I'm sure she didn't get very much sleep because of me, but I really believe that through her and Bert the power of Christ has set me free. I can't go it alone, I know that, but I've been shown that the past no longer applies. I have been forgiven, and there is no temptation that is to big for Christ to help me through. So, everything ended as usual at pizza Friday afternoon with me crying because I didn't want to leave, but there is such a reason for that. I don't want to step away from the people that mean so much to me (and here I go crying again) My life has been so impacted by the people at the Ashram and by the times that God has so clearly made himself known to me there, that I don't want to leave it... but hopefully I will see them all again next year, and some of them I will see before that. So until then, I will miss them all every day of the year.

Now back to my injuries ;-) Well, we got x-rays of my foot friday after we got home and just got the verdict tonight that it's not broken, which is good because that means no cast, but is bad because that also means that it's a really bad sprain (which can be worse than a break) I also had the greatest adventure ever on monday, well, the second one is, but the first one was preaty awesome too. So I was doing a kip on bars and my hand slipped off and I ended up fall on the bar on my side really hard (it left a pretty cool mark) and then here comes the adventure. I am doing tap swings on the high bar (if you don't know what that is, basically your swinging on a bar six and a half-ish feet off the ground where the whole point is to swing and get your body basically horizontal and then swing back and do it again) so what happened was I didn't stay hollow so my hands weren't on the bar far enough and I ripped off, flying into the low bar (have some nice bruises on my legs from that) and than proceeded to have a nice hug with the floor. Yeah, it didn't really hurt that bad, although it was kinda hard to sit down cuz of my legs, but it freaked everyone out. So, that was my injuries, Ashram, and my adventure... I think that's all for now :-)

A Weak Off

I am ready for Ashram, not just because it is Ashram (which I am ready for that too) But my body wants a weak off. I have so many plans for how differently I would run my own gymnastics studio, one of which would be less conditioning. I know that it makes you stronger and its good for you, but spending a full hour of a three hour class on warm-ups and conditioning is a bit excessive I think. So, my body is ready for a break to just relax and heal. And I am ready for a break from my computer. A full weak with absolutely no email, or blogs, or flickr... I'm ready, in fact, I may start sooner than Ashram, but we will see.

For the Love of the Sport

I had a great conversation with Miss Melanie Ellsworth on Sunday about gymnastics, and she said something that really got me thinking: "really they just don't get it" This was said in reference to her parents, and I completely agree. Maybe they do, but it doesn't seem that they understand what its like to be in the gym. To work your butt off because you love it and there isn't anything you would want to be doing more right then, even if it does mean sacrificing ripped hands and bruised legs to make your kip on the bar (or even not doing your kip, but still trying), or getting a beam bite because you tried just a little bit harder to stay on.

It's different.

It's different then practicing at home. Doing a handstand in the hallway isn't anything like doing a handstand out on the mat. It's the same handstand, but yet it is so much different. It's family, I can spend just as much time talking to my coach about the results of the National Homeschool Debate tournament as I can just about anyone, and more so than I can most of the people that are in my family. There is a connection that is far different and in some ways far deeper. If I could I would spend my life at the gym... oh wait, I already do :-P

I want to spend the rest of my life doing gymnastics, and inspiring other people to do it as well. I want to own my own studio. I want to change the face of competition gymnastics. I want to take a bunch of 15 year old kids to the level 5 competition and kick butt! I want people to realize that motivation has two forms: fear, and love, and that the former should never be used. I want gymnastics to be a sport where you continue on for as long as your love of it continues. I want to compete level 8 when I am 40 years old, just to show them that it can be done. But for now its all just a dream. Maybe one day, it will become a reality.