I am really struggling as to what I should write. I want to express what I'm feeling, what's going on in my brain, in my body... but I don't want to come across as complaining. So, as you read this just keep in mind, I'm not trying to just whine to the world.
I woke up every four hours last night to take my pain medication. I went back to sleep so very easily because it makes me drowzy. I've been in this half awake half asleep state since 10:30 yesterday, but besides that everything seems normal now. It doesn't hurt to sit here and type away on my computer, to read the economist, to play around on flickr, everything seems normal, like nothing ever happened. And then I move, and the pain comes back, not just the pain that shoots through the middle of my back, but the pain at the thought of not being able to do what I love. The thoughts that I won't be able to teach, will probably have to skip out on the rest of the meets this year, including zones. That I won't touch a floor, won't touch the bars for more than a month.
That I can't do anything.
The hardest part about being sick or injured is that I can't. Everyone else has to do things for me. Laralyn, can you get me orange juice? Mom, can you get me a pillow? Dad, can you feed the cat for me? Can you? Please? Can I go outside? It hurts my pride that I can't do things for myself. That hurts more than the real pain. But then again, that pain is just as real as the physical.
It's nice to see how things work for the best.
The rest of my body, the injuries that I have lost count of can heal... I probably won't let the newest one completely heal, but the rest will, and my body will restore itself. I have to let it, because I can't do anything else. I have time now. I can hang out with friends, relax, rest, sleep, and visit my sister. My busy schedule has been destroyed, and I'm left not knowing what to do. I'll probably spend a lot of time just laying on my back with my computer on my lap, but I'll get to do other things as well that I never have time for. Finish crocheting my blanket, work on my Maille, read, just be. Funny how getting hurt does that to you.
(And my artist page is now up and running)
2 comments:
Lovely. *wry* I don't know what that would be like, but I doubt I'd enjoy it, and you're far more active than I am. But yeah, now you have time... forced, but time nonetheless. (Don't go stir crazy, please...)
Cat? Huh? You don't like cats, why are you feeding one?
The cat is the Pell's, I'm taking care of it while they are gone. I haven't seen it yet and I've been feeding it for almost two weeks. So, it works out.
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