Lost... so very lost

There are days, of which many have happened recently, that I just feel as though I should not exist.

That I do not deserve the privilege of life.

There are so many things that I have done... so many friends that I have lost... or hurt so badly. Sometimes I don't dare to battle for one more day because I know it will bring more pain, not to me, but to the world. I live a life of regrets, and I have battled so hard to let go, and to move on. It just doesn't seem meant to be, sometimes I almost let go, but... I'm always reminded.

Bus Driver~Caedmon's Call
What would you say if I told you that I won't be by today?
Would you say that I'm just a bus driver
and what do I know,
just a bus driver
and what do I know,
just a bus driver
and what do I know?
...
And I wonder how this world would be
if I was never here to drive this bus around from Ashbury to Main.
Suppose this town would be the same
but with one bus' less exhaust.